the facts are these

Because I have nothing better to do today, I went through wtf_inc and found a bunch of linkspam to send Grant over AIM. And since I have a giant pile of linkspam, I might as well post it.

"Hey, let's dress up like genitalia and go on a parade!" "Yeah!"

Font humor: Nerds rape!

Elmo wants to kill you! Yes, he does!

"Laura, why don't you have a MySpace? Why don't you like it? It's fun!"
"Well, this is why. Any website that allows your userinfo to crash your browser is Satanic in my book."

Neuticles.Com: The best URL ever.

Everyone loves an internet crazy! This one of the extreme feminist kind.

A video game teaches masturbation. No, I'm not talking about those vibrating packs they sell in Asia.

Did you ever play with My Little Pony? Warning: Do not click this link unless you like big ol' horse cock.

Because vaginas are funny.

WOLF COCK!

Happy birthday, Jesus!

Everyone wants some internet.

The twee-est little strap-on ever. Thank you, Ann Summers.

Penis snowflakes.

And now, the crowning glory: BDSM CARE BEAR PORN.

"Slave Bear, you are in the rape rack for crimes against caring," said the first voice, and Grumpy identified it: Tender Heart. "Slave Bear, you will only come out of the rape rack when we think that you've started to care again. Until then, you will no longer be Grumpy Bear, but Slave Bear, and you are the property of every Care Bear or Care Bear Cousin in this room. You are going to be punished."

And just to save your brain from that, here's a really cool ad for TVs that sends bouncy balls all over San Francisco. It's really worth a watch.

So, I've pretty much determined what I want my children to look like. (When I have them. Which will be in a long, long, long time.) I have based this on their respective degrees of adorableness.

My daughter will look like Georgie Henley and she will be named Winifred. My son will look like Thomas Sangster. Or, alternatively, Skandar I-play-a-little-bastard-convincingly-and-adorably-well Keynes.

This entire entry is just a bad excuse for me to coo over the adorableness of some child actors. Skandar is such a convincing little bastard and I love it. Then he turns around and is adorable and I want to hug him and tell him that it's okay and someone will love him. (Not more than Peter, but I love Peter in a pervy way and I love Skandar in a completely non-pervy way. Oh, come on. Just look at Peter and try not to perv. Just try.) Georgie Henley needs to come with a sign around her neck that says ALL SHALL LOVE ME AND DESPAIR, because really, she's just that damn cute. It's almost lethal.

(Grant, if Georgie Henley and The Great Adorable One were ever to be in a room together, plus Thomas Sangster, I think the other planets and the sun would begin to rotate around the great pull of such adorableness. srsly. Think about it.)

And OH! MY! GOD! I've just found Lucy/Mr. Tumnus fanfiction on The Pit. Oh! My! God!

ETA: Well, hm. Georgie Henley = brunette. Skandar Keynes = brunet. Thomas Sangster = blond. Me = blonde. My genetics are so not promising as far as getting these kiddos, then.

Those of you who have the good fortune to know avelena will remember that after seeing Sin City she said that it was the only situation where Elijah Wood eating you would be a bad thing.

Observe badness.

ABORT! ABORT! PURGE! PURGE! PURGE! PURGE! AAAUUUGHHH!

Tom Cruise likes sex when he's in a relationship. Otherwise, it confuses him. And he wants more children.

Tom, no. Stop that. You're scaring me.

Feeling down? A bit bored? Depressed at the idiots around you? FEAR NO MORE! JUST CLICK REFRESH AND LAUGH UNTIL ALL YOUR TROUBLES FADE AWAY!


Say...if it isn't my old nemesis...A TRUCK!

Hahahahaha, Pedro the Telephone Solicitor is now subjected to Disney songs. Silly solicitor, you cannot fight me and my awesome playlist! Next time one of your ilk calls, you will hear MAGIC DANCE! You remind me of the babe! What babe? The babe with the power! What power? OH SHUT UP.

Since you all love me so much, rec me a song. On YouSendIt, please. I need decent music to try to beg the DJ to play at homecoming.

Because I hate love you all so much...

I checked out some romance novels from the library. No, my dears, it was not to think of you clutching me while my petite bosom heaved, but it was to share with you the Bad Porn.

I've also discovered where the Suethors get their ideas from. Thank you, Nora Roberts. Your sucky writing has paved the way for the sucky writing of millions more. I hope they feel very disillusioned.

We begin with an anthology of four novellas that all have SOMETHING to do with fairies or magic or somesuch like that. All but one take place in Europe. I've also noticed an annoying trend of romance novelists to write novels about the Scottish highlands and the clansmen. It's nice they get the attention, but apparently all these women have watched Highlander a bit too much. Many of them have also NEVER BEEN TO SCOTLAND.

In Dreams - Nora Roberts
"Drawn to a castle in the forests of Ireland, a beautiful young woman becomes the link to a stranger's past - and the curse that has trapped him forever in the eternity of his own dreams."
( No, she thought, she didn't want to see herself reflected in a mirror. She wanted to see herself reflected in Flynn's eyes. )

The Sorceror's Daughter - Jill Gregory
"The fate of a captive wizard depends on his lovely daughter - and the intentions of a spellcast adventurer who dreams of a priceless trasure and a love that could be the greatest reward of all..."
( Before, she had been cold, but now she was hot. )

So...a few hours ago, while I was talking to ironychan, I got an IM.

WeePirateRagetti: Hi! ^^
WeePirateRagetti: Help!

I do not know this person.

LeaSheElf: Hello?
WeePirateRagetti: Hi. ^^
LeaSheElf: Hi, who is this?
WeePirateRagetti: Ragetti. You don't know me.

Say it with me. WHAT. THE. FUCK.

( The ENTIRE conversation, which STILL makes no sense to me. )

Anyone have any ideas? I mean, sure, it was fun to humor whoever the hell this was, but...but...the whole time I had on this face. This O.o face, the same face Orlando Bloom had when he heard the story about Jack Sparrow and said, "So that's why he's all..." and THAT FACE, yes, THAT face is the face I kept making.

I had this whole ranting essay planned out in my head about how punk is mainstream and therefore not punk anymore, but I lost interest. Maybe Friday, when I'm ungrounded. Thanks a lot, Mom.

Eh. Waiting for Becky to come on. I won't be mad if she doesn't because I've flaked out on her too many times to count. Still, the sound is off on the pc, so whenever it makes a little whirring thinking noise I check AIM. Not yet. I think I'll count the number of times I do that. (IIIIII)

It's 12:45 right now.

http://www.livejournal.com/users/ficbitches/16968.html#cutid1
*snickers*

1:01.

Reading fic reviews on ficbitches. I SWEAR TO GOD, these people are hilarious!

I'm on chapter four of my Dark City fic. Save me. They're EXTREMELY short chapters, I don't fucking need another epic. About to write Schreber's extremely limited (MUAH, and the poor little girl runs off and locks her door) action.

Speaking of Dark City, could someone who has the DVD and capping software make me a cap of when Schreber is imprinting himself, that tiny little flashback somewhere in the movie that made me shriek and want to hug the television? The one where there's blood all over. Yeah.

( *snort* Yeah, right. )

Okay, I really doubt Becky is coming online.

WHOA, I NEED TO GO TAKE DOWN THE LJ LINK FROM MY FLATLINERS FIC BEFORE ROSS CAN READ IT!

I'll do it tomorrow. Sleep now.