If a preschooler can remember it, so can you.

[laurelin_kit]

So I'm simplifying this to make a point, but basically, here's the thing.

Monkeys are not apes. Apes are not monkeys. King Kong is not a monkey. He's an ape. I realize they are both animals that look like people, but that does not mean they are the same thing. They're both members of the primate order, but dogs and cats are both members of Carnivora, and you don't see people calling kittens puppies.

Let's delve deeper into this classification and draw some parallels. Apes are members of the superfamily Hominoidea, which includes gibbons, siamangs, orangutans, gorillas, chimps, bonobos and us. The closest related monkeys to apes are the members of the superfamily Cercopithecoidea. These include all monkeys you would find in Africa and Asia - your baboons, macaques, langurs, etc.

Let's look at OTHER superfamilies in different orders that no one would ever mistake for one another!

How about bears and walruses? No one would ever mix those two up, but they're phylogenetically both placed in different superfamilies, just like apes and monkeys. They're both members of Carnivora, and members of the Suborder Caniformia, but who the fuck goes to Sea World and thinks they're looking at bears? (Except for the polar bear exhibit, you smartasses.)

Let's go even more ridiculous! How about members of the SAME superfamily that people never mix up? Mongooses and hyenas! They're both members of the same superfamily: Herpestoidea. But no one calls Riki-tiki-tavi a fucking hyena.

Yes, I realize we've all been SEVERELY retarded by our own culture's perception of monkey. Like, for instance, what the fuck is this supposed to be?



A chimp? This is supposed to be a chimp? What the fuck is that thing coming out of his ass? Is that a TAIL? BECAUSE CHIMPS DON'T FUCKING HAVE TAILS. IT SAYS "APE SHIT." IT'S AN APE. SIDE NOTE: Bananas come from SOUTHEAST ASIA, and guess who doesn't live in Southeast Asia? FUCKING CHIMPS.

If you're ever in doubt, people, just remember the sage words of my anthropology professor's FOUR YEAR OLD.

"That's not a monkey; that's an ape. Monkeys have tails. Apes don't."
- A FUCKING CHILD

This message has been brought to you by the Nostalgia Critic's King Kong review that I paused after 21 seconds in to scream.

Comments

[windancer.livejournal.com]

Thank you for this post. I am often similarly enraged by this stupidly simple issue. Also, I miss seeing words like phylogenetic and Hominoidea thrown around.


Something else that bothers me is when movies use an ape or monkey but that particular species isn't found in wherever the movie takes place, or--in the case of Outbreak, as I recall--the monkey is shipped from somewhere that is not its actual place of origin.

[laurelin-kit.livejournal.com]

This is seriously one of my biggest pet peeves.

[skyblade.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure, but I think the reason for the insane prevalence of capuchins no matter what is based purely on how trainable they are. Maybe old world monkeys are more ornery because of daddy issues.

[laurelin-kit.livejournal.com]

Yeah, capuchins are excellent trained monkeys. Old World monkeys aren't nearly as prosh.

[sweetpiglet.livejournal.com]

Quick question: the last time I took a science course (2005), the breakdown was kingdom, phylum, class, order, family, genus, species. So, superfamily falls between family and order, right? When did they add this extra level- I'm guessing AP Bio, right? Who added it- are they the same people who tell Canadians to drop the second space after terminal punctuation? Mostly I'm concerned about whether my mnemonic device will still work when my child has to learn this stuff (I need as much time as I can get before hiring him/her a private science tutor for homework help.)

[laurelin-kit.livejournal.com]

Superfamily is between family and order, yes. You learn it when you need to learn animal classification - for me it was Bio II in college. It's used to break up orders into less broad categories, like Carnivora into cat-like and dog-like carnivotes. King Phillip Came Over For Good Sex will still work for your future half-Jewish future doctor children in high school, don't worry.

[sweetpiglet.livejournal.com]

Um, I think we'll stick with Kindly Pass Claudia Oreos, For Goodness Sakes. Baby-Sitters Club is a little more mom-friendly.

But fingers crossed everything else you said will be true, eh?

[laurelin-kit.livejournal.com]

Pigs are order Artiodactyla, suborder Suina, order Suidae.

[alexanderditto.livejournal.com]

You are one of my favorite people. <3

FIGHT THE STUPID.

[laurelin-kit.livejournal.com]

*hug* We really have to catch up in person sometime. My mental picture of you is still shorter than me.