Captain! Morons are attacking the fortress!

[laurelin_kit]

King Arthur fandom has been attacked.

"Giggle in the cafeteria" fics have entered the picture. The oh-so-original fall-through-the-movie-screen gag.

And, God help me, I opened up Internet Explorer (My Opera settings don't DO popups, bitch!) and started replying. My original reply was kind, thought-out and generous.'

The computer ate it.

I restrained myself from reviewing with just "FUCK OFF!"



"Look, I had this whole, nice, kind-hearted review all written out about how this really isn't what everyone wants to read and how I understand the urge to write this.

But my computer ate it.

This is a "laugh in the cafeteria" fic. I know it. I've written it. Thankfully it was in a fandom so large and so full of shit it went mostly unnoticed and by the time I was able to see my idiocy in actually posting it and not leaving it to the cafeteria table and my friends that were included in it, it was so deep in muck that I could just put a "DON'T EVER READ THIS, IT'S JUST UP FOR POSTERITY!" warning on it and no one would ever find it again.

This is not such a fandom. It's small. It's basically filled with either canon het or slash. There's the odd Mary Sue, but I can't think of a fandom that doesn't have one. You can't not notice something like this.

You have one review. Two, now that I've spoken. One from someone that's not in the story, and I'm telling you this.

This is your fantasy. You and your other friend. Maybe it's a few other people's fantasy about falling into the world, but if you're going to put an original character in it, stop giggling about and DO it. If you want it to be from the modern world, DO it. Make it REAL. Don't blather around like idiots and somehow find your way out, WORK with it. It's the DARK AGES. Don't just jump in and start falling all over these men. Lancelot, for one, would bed that fangirl (whichever you are) and dump her by the side of the road. He has no need for you. Tristran is far busier doing scout-y things.

I'm sorry if you're offended by brute honesty, but if you respect the medium enough to want to do something creative with it, don't rape it. Don't make it unrecognizable, don't make it something ridiculous (or if you do, leave it off the internet). Show it respect, do it justice, or try to. You liked it enough to think about it more than once, to sit down and write something quickly. Do it better. Sit down, read a book, look on the internet. Find something else besides what the movie said and if you really want to keep going, DO IT RIGHT. DO IT BETTER. You can always do more.

And if you just delete this comment and say "OMG, DUN FLAME ME!" I've just wasted five minutes of my time and thought and regard on two (or more, this whole Tribloomer thing is confusing) people that I severely overestimated. Don't be stupid. Listen to me. I'm not God, I'm not the ultimate authority, I'm just someone who's written stuff like this and know what I'm talking about.

Good luck."



So...yeah. I've written Mary Sues. I've come back. I've written those kinds of fics. I made them go away. Kept some up for posterity, but they're so deep in shit of LotR fics at the Pit of Voles that they're lost for all time THANK GOD.

ironychan and I have been talking about our Sues, and I've had many.
Worst: My first Harry Potter Sue. There was one plus side: it had no pairing. The minus side? EVERYTHING ELSE. She would have been a TOXIC on pottersues. If not for the grammar and spelling, for everything else surrounding her person. If I could sum up the horrible crap it was, it would be in that I was a fan of Tenchi Muyo at the time but it was not a crossover. At least I never put pen to paper.
Best: Gundam Wing, once I got over the whole "Whee, I'm a stupid fourteen year-old!" thing. I got a plot, several series going on, plotlines, government, all that stuff. Apathy kicked in and I haven't thought much about it in years.
HOLY SHIT: Becky, you know what I'm talking about. "Alive? Dead?"

So what were your Sues? What fandoms? How far did they go? Did you write them, post them, daydream? How did your trainwreck end and when was the epiphany? HAS it ended? What was your moment of ultimate shame?

Here's mine: My Harry Potter Sue that was never, ever written down or posted anywhere was called Sasami and she had one of those power crystal things that almost all Sues are outfitted with. Oh, yes, TOXIC.

(OT: I need new icons. I think I'll take care of that now.)

Comments

[beckyincharge.livejournal.com]

In my very humble opinion (when you look this good, its hard to be humble, ok?) YOU SHOULD DIE FOR THAT "HOLY SHIT" REMARK! Good thing you didnt go into detail...yeeesh. Anywho, in my opinion, Sues that never make the internet or are inflicted on anyone outside the parties involved are nothing to be ashamed of. That's like masturbating. It's private, it's your business, you should never be judged for Sues you DONT inflict on the world. However, do you masturbate in public, bitch? I mean openly, not those 2 pm specials I managed to pull off. Generally, most people don't - so unless you post your Sue and take up webspace, and make a fandom just a *little bit* less desireable for the rest of the world, Sues aren't Sues. See my point? Otherwise, there would be NOTHING but SUES, because NOONE is the perfect imperfect character!

Which is why I just skip to the porn, have a go, and when I get my hearing back go on with life. :D

[laurelin-kit.livejournal.com]

I appreciate your endeavors for humility, and reply that I did not elaborate on the "HOLY SHIT" remark because it brings as much snickering upon my own humble self.

I'm so glad I didn't inflict many of my Sues on the world. SO. GLAD.

I like your point of view. It's good and thought out, although lacking in humility, because, of course, your hair has eaten your humility. Heee.

[beckyincharge.livejournal.com]

Damn right, bitch! Nice icon, btw

[laurelin-kit.livejournal.com]

Why, thank you!

Look, Sarah Michelle Gellar had boobs once!