(no subject)

I wake up first from a dream about my mom bitching at me to - guess what? - my mom bitching at me about a chore I forgot to do last night. Why, you're welcome, Mom, I did make cookies for the family without being asked to. Yes, Dad did say the words, "No, Laura, it's okay. You made the cookies, I'll clean them up." No, of course you don't care. Of course you say "She's a big girl. She can clean up." So I forgot. I actually forgot. And Dad did it for me. So you wake me up at seven in the morning and drag me out to the kitchen and bitch at me.

The second time I wake up, I go to open my door and jam a fucking splinter up my middle fingernail.

Why can't I be one of those people who has awesome things randomly happen to them all the time?