Apr. 29th, 2010

laurelin_kit: (transmogrification - me)
So I'm simplifying this to make a point, but basically, here's the thing.

Monkeys are not apes. Apes are not monkeys. King Kong is not a monkey. He's an ape. I realize they are both animals that look like people, but that does not mean they are the same thing. They're both members of the primate order, but dogs and cats are both members of Carnivora, and you don't see people calling kittens puppies.

Let's delve deeper into this classification and draw some parallels. Apes are members of the superfamily Hominoidea, which includes gibbons, siamangs, orangutans, gorillas, chimps, bonobos and us. The closest related monkeys to apes are the members of the superfamily Cercopithecoidea. These include all monkeys you would find in Africa and Asia - your baboons, macaques, langurs, etc.

Let's look at OTHER superfamilies in different orders that no one would ever mistake for one another!

How about bears and walruses? No one would ever mix those two up, but they're phylogenetically both placed in different superfamilies, just like apes and monkeys. They're both members of Carnivora, and members of the Suborder Caniformia, but who the fuck goes to Sea World and thinks they're looking at bears? (Except for the polar bear exhibit, you smartasses.)

Let's go even more ridiculous! How about members of the SAME superfamily that people never mix up? Mongooses and hyenas! They're both members of the same superfamily: Herpestoidea. But no one calls Riki-tiki-tavi a fucking hyena.

Yes, I realize we've all been SEVERELY retarded by our own culture's perception of monkey. Like, for instance, what the fuck is this supposed to be?

A chimp? This is supposed to be a chimp? What the fuck is that thing coming out of his ass? Is that a TAIL? BECAUSE CHIMPS DON'T FUCKING HAVE TAILS. IT SAYS "APE SHIT." IT'S AN APE. SIDE NOTE: Bananas come from SOUTHEAST ASIA, and guess who doesn't live in Southeast Asia? FUCKING CHIMPS.

If you're ever in doubt, people, just remember the sage words of my anthropology professor's FOUR YEAR OLD.

"That's not a monkey; that's an ape. Monkeys have tails. Apes don't."

This message has been brought to you by the Nostalgia Critic's King Kong review that I paused after 21 seconds in to scream.


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